In January, I made a decision. I decided that I could not continue living with the depression that consumed me. I decided that the deep, dark hopelessness and the fits of rage were not normal, nor were they healthy. Ultimately, I realized that my depression was affecting my ability to parent the way I want. Thanks to some great friends and Hubby, I decided to talk to my doctor about what I was feeling. She prescribed a low dose antidepressant and counseling. For the first time in a long time, I felt hope. I felt like... me. Hubby even commented about how happy he was to have his wife back. Now, I'm enjoying my kids and hopeful for the future.
One of my big priorities this summer is to get into counseling. I put it off this semester because I just could not add another thing to my plate, even if it would have been helpful. My local ICAN group has a list of therapists/ counselors who have dealt with birth trauma. I'm making my first appointment this week. If you're dealing with depression, please get help. There's no need to live in a pit of dispair. You're not crazy, and you're not alone.
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